Wednesday, September 30, 2009

wordless wednesday

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

gray hair is a blessing...

sorry i have been gone so long. it has been a busy few days with the death of my uncle and a trip to pennsylvania for the funeral. but i am back home now and trying to get back into the swing of things...ugh, the housework that awaits.

it has come to my attention this weekend that a serious infiltration of evil has made its way into my home and person. my lovely dark locks are being invaded by silver monsters! scary, wiry monsters. why does this gray hair cause me such stress? i am 27 years old. i feel 17. but i suppose the fact of the matter is i am indeed aging. blah!

i do find the silver hair shown here to be quite lovely...on her!

while i would like to grow old gracefully and fully embrace every single gray hair and line in my face, i am finding that a hard feat. i had this wild idea that i would remain 20 forever while the others around me grew older. since this does not seem to be the case i will for now simply enjoy still being in my twenties (if only for...ahem...3 more years) and will be heading out to buy a box of hair color this evening!!! and i will make this my new mantra:

gray hair is a blessing - ask a bald man.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

what do i know?

my uncle is very near death. it may even be tonight. as an adult i haven't been extremely close to him. i do see him when i visit home and at holidays. but i remember him being around quite often as i was growing up. i remember trading cds with him and the pizza game he gave me and my sister for christmas one year. while i was in college he bought me a george forman grill - i think he may have been more excited about that than i was, he LOVES his steak!

with the news of his impending death i have been flooded with these memories and with the usual thoughts of death one ponders when it is thrust into their life. the strongest feeling i have is that death sucks. i can't make it sound any better because it isn't. and there is a reason for that,

for the wages of sin is death...romans 6:23a

we are sinners and we deserve nothing more than the grave and hell. what my uncle is facing we all must face because of adam's sin. and it would be just if that is where it ended. but the verse doesn't end here. what joy,

for the wages of sin is death BUT THE GIFT OF GOD IS ETERNAL LIFE THROUGH JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD. romans 6:23

we deserve death and hell, but God loves us so much he sent His only Son to DIE for us. i will never get over the fact that Jesus Christ has, too, suffered death. He knows just how much it sucks. and our Heavenly Father knows the pain of watching someone you love die. Jesus didn't only suffer the agony of a physical death but He also took the punishment meant for us in Hell. He paid the price of our sin so we don't have to. the hymn it is well with my soul has a glorious verse that goes like this,

my sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought, my sin NOT IN PART BUT THE WHOLE, is nailed to the cross and i bear it no more PRAISE THE LORD it is well with my soul.

how can i ever get over this?! i simply can't. my sin has been covered by the blood. but the fact remains that we all must still suffer a physical death. it isn't meant to be pleasant but it doesn't have to fill us with fear. we will not be left in the grave. our Savior has conquered death and the grave,

o death, where is thy sting? o grave, where is thy victory? the sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law.but thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 corinthians 15:55-57

i am confident that my uncle knows the Savior of his soul. i am confident that when my uncle closes his eyes in death he will open them in Glory. we will all hurt and mourn when he goes, but we, too, will rejoice knowing that he is in the presence of the King. and i am sure my sweet grandma is waiting at the gate for his arrival!

I have a friend who just turned eighty-eight
and she just shared with me that she's afraid of dying.
I sit here years from her experience
and try to bring her comfort.
I try to bring her comfort
But what do I know? What do I know?
She grew up singing about the glory land,
and she would testify how Jesus changed her life.
It was easy to have faith when she was thirty-four,
but now her friends are dying, and death is at her door.
And what do I know? What do I know?

Well,I don't know that there are harps in heaven,
Or the process for earning your wings.
I don't know of bright lights at the ends of tunnels,
Or any of these things.

She lost her husband after sixty years,
and as he slipped away she still had things to say.
Death can be so inconvenient.
You try to live and love. It comes and interrupts.
And what do I know? What do I know?

Well,I don't know that there are harps in heaven,
Or the process for earning your wings.
And I don't know of bright lights at the ends of tunnels,
Or any of these things.

But I know to be absent from this body is to be present with the Lord,
and from what I know of him, that must be pretty good.
Oh, I know to be absent from this body is to be present with the Lord,
and from what I know of him, that must be very good.

-what do i know, sara groves

Friday, September 18, 2009

losing battle

today has been one of those days. i woke up with a headache that i just couldn't shake. and, to be expected when i'm not feeling well, bug decided 20 minutes was a long enough nap. my armor was down today and the enemy saw a chance to attack.

i have been seriously bombarded today with crazy attacks by satan. he is swift and strong in battle. he knows where my vulnerable spots are and sends his troops straight to those areas. i have been shot at today with thoughts of inadequacy, feelings of no purpose, a sense of failure as a mommy, and doubts about my husband's happiness in our relationship. and instead of retreating to the tent to regroup and plan out my attack i raised the white flag of surrender. i did not turn to the General of my life. i did not look at the well established Strategy that the General has prepared. i simply gave up and accepted the attacks. i believed the lies. and i missed out on the victory of a battle won.

fortunately the General, my Heavenly Father, is not dishonorably discharging me. quite the opposite. He is allowing me to continue in the fight. and He has reminded me tonight when i finally picked my wounded heart up and made it back to the tent that i am not in this alone and it is only when i think i am that i am defeated.

but the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.
2 thessalonians 3:3

and thanks to a holy God who has already won the war even though i may lose some of the battles.

and they have conquered him (satan) by the blood of the Lamb... revelation 12:11a

so tomorrow i will prepare myself for the battle and will not allow the enemy's lies and attacks take me down. satan's attacks can do no harm when i'm calling on Jesus Christ!

finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. for we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. in all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God,praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. ephesians 6:10-18a

Thursday, September 17, 2009

backwards scooter

my sweet bug is the ripe old age of 8 months and is now realizing that she can move around by herself. she is doing very well getting up on her hands and knees and rocking back and forth. however, she has yet to crawl. instead she plops herself onto her belly and scoots...backwards! i'll tell ya, that backwards scooting can get you places...usually in trouble. bug often finds that she has scooted herself right under the coffee table or under a chair. until she realizes she is stuck in a precarious position she is quite the happy girl. see, she is looking at me the whole time she is scooting farther and farther away. she thinks all is well because she can see mommy...until she scoots herself right up against a wall and mommy is clear across the room.

bug starting to get the hang of this mobility thing

bug's backward scooting reminded me of how i so often backwards scoot away from the Lord. though unlike bug, i know as i am looking at Him that i am moving farther away and will eventually end up stuck under a chair or with my back against the wall. i get to a place in my spiritual life where all seems well. i am talking daily with God; reading His Word; relying fully on Him. i am looking Him straight in the eye, smiling, and then begins the scooting. i slack off on my praying, i start reading the Word every other day, i start worrying. i keep scooting until i haven't spoken to the Lord in days, my Bible has a layer of dust on it, and i am overwhelmed by worry. things seemed great but then i realize i have scooted myself right up against a wall and the Father is clear across the room.

i know that bug has gotten herself stuck because i have been lovingly watching her the whole time. as soon as she realizes it and calls out for me i am right there to turn her around and pick her up. we start again. i set her on a better course. our Heavenly Father does the same for us. when i have shamefully let my relationship with Him get backed against the wall He is right there when i call out ready to turn me around and pick me up. no matter how many times bug needs to be pulled out from under the table i will do it - just as God will never leave me, no matter how many times i back myself against the wall.

and just as bug will eventually learn to crawl forward, i hope that one day i, too, will no longer be a backwards scooter. i hope that i will not only always crawl forward to the Father but that i will constantly be running to Him!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


of the baby in baby fever. i go through this about every other week. i am so in love with my little bug and she is growing up so fast. i already miss my itty bitty baby. today i want to have another baby, now. i want to be pregnant and wear maternity clothes and pick out crib bedding and read pregnancy books. i want a new little delicious baby to snuggle on and love on and smell and feed and dress. i want bug to have a brother or sister close in age so they can be the best of friends and always have each other.

honey bear and i at 33 weeks - bug decided to arrive 2 weeks later!

so at this moment my loins are desperately yearning to bring forth more fruit. will this notion last until morning? it is hard to tell. sometimes it goes on for days; other times it lasts only minutes. sometimes being mommy gets a bit overwhelming and sleep inducing. oh, but i wouldn't go back to the days without her for anything!!!

i do know that i hope the Lord does see fit to gift us with another little love in the future. i will leave the timing up to Him. i guess if i leave it up to Him it may be inappropriate to tell Him to hurry up, right? =)

how long did you wait to add to your family? should i put a muzzle on my loins or grant them freedom of speech?

our first family picture - the day bug was born

Monday, September 14, 2009

who am i?

tomorrow i will join with kate mcrae's family and hundreds of others in fasting at the feet of Jesus. kate is a sweet 5 year old little girl battling a brain tumor. her parents have asked for others who are willing to fast and pray for kate this week as they prepare for an mri on wednesday to see what progress, if any, kate's chemo is having on her tumor.

as i have been preparing myself for tomorrow the enemy has definitely been at work around here. i have been bombarded with feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. why do i think that any pleading i do to the Lord will have any affect on little kate's life? there are hundreds of others that will be fasting and praying for kate - many who are most likely farther in their christian walk than i. surely their prayers will be regarded higher than mine. and why would the God of the universe give a flip about what i have to say? my tears at His feet can easily be dismissed.

but then i remember what He has promised:

whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it. john 14:13-14

the verse doesn't say, "whatever a very important person asks," it says, "whatever YOU ask." that YOU means ME! so there is no misunderstanding, this verse says that He will do whatever i ask, but there are times when what i ask for is not what i get or what happens. has Jesus lied? no, of course not. when we ask for something we must do so in faith, believing God can do it, and we must pray with realization that God will answer according to His will. there are times when our wills are not His will for a particular situation. that should absolutely not stop me from praying for a certain outcome!

now i am reminded that Jesus tells me to ask, but i still don't feel worthy to go before Him with such an important petition. sure, i have gone before Him with prayers for car repairs or financial needs, but this will be my first serious pleading for a life. i have prayed for healing on behalf of others, but i have to be honest, this fast for kate is the first i have ever done. this little girl's life is weighing so heavy on my heart...i feel the need to do all i can. but i feel as though God is saying, "who do you think you are?" then i go to hebrews 4:16:

let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

i should go before the King with confidence! i am told by the author of hebrews to do just that. be confident. i do not have to be mother teresa to be heard by God. i have to be just who i am, a daughter of the King. going before the King with confidence takes me back to that sweet jewish girl, hadassah, who you may know as queen esther. she went before the king on behalf of her people and he listened to her and showed them mercy. how much more King Jesus loves me than this earthly king loved esther. He will surely hear my cries on behalf of kate.

so tomorrow i will humble myself before the ever great Physician and pray with a broken but believing heart for Him to heal kate. He tells me to do just that. and so i will obey. and i will submit to whatever His will is for kate, knowing that His ways are not my ways and that His way is ALWAYS best.

please consider carrying kate before the Lord in fasting and prayer this week.

Friday, September 11, 2009


a little break today from women's issues.

a song i have loved for a while is i believe in love by barlowgirl. it is a really beautiful song to listen to, but when you really pay attention to the words it goes to a whole new level. and as i think about what happened in our country eight years ago today i imagine there are many who have felt exactly what this song speaks of. if you get a chance try to listen to the song. i think you can find it on youtube. i am going to simply post the lyrics. maybe these words will meet you where you are now.

God is there and God is good even when i cannot see Him or His goodness!

How long will my prayers seem unanswered?
Is there still faith in me to reach the end?
I'm feeling doubt I'm losing faith
But giving up would cost me everything
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe

Though I can't see my story's ending
That doesn't mean the dark night has no end
It's only here that I find faith
And learn to trust the one who writes my days
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe
No dark can consume Light
No death greater than this life
We are not forgotten
Hope is found when we say
Even when He is silent

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe.
I believe

Thursday, September 10, 2009

no higher calling

i have had a lot of thoughts and ideas and scripture swirling around in my little head brain (my head is actually quite large) about being a woman and what the Lord has said my role is as a woman. i thought i could address it all in one post but realized it will be much more understandable if i break the topics up into several posts. this first post will discuss women and pregnancy.

i was asked just the other day why i am so passionate when it comes to the topic of birth control and pregnancy and women having babies in general. until i was asked that question i don't think i realized i was so passionate about it. but i am glad i was asked - it caused me to really think about why i feel the way i do about this great gift we have been given as women.

you will remember my little rant on contraception here. it seems with the announcement from a certain well known family about the expecting of their 19th child the birth control topic keeps peaking its head around the corner. what i have found coming from many, often the very women that fight for the right for women to have complete control over their own reproduction decisions, is that this family needs to throw in the towel. apparently a woman has a right to choose unless her choice is to have more children than you think she should.

this generation is all about Me and I - and a great deal of that focus on self is among young women. i will further my education, i will climb the corporate ladder, i will be just as good as any man at the job i choose to do and be paid accordingly. that is great! i encourage young women to set out with big goals and dreams. but there are some choices i do not agree with. i will date many men, i will give myself intimately to whomever i choose, i will not be inconvenienced by a child. i find it pretty naive to think that you can have a physical relationship with a man while not being ready to be a mom. God's Word tells us, first of all, to refrain from an intimate relationship outside of marriage.

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. I Corinthians 6:18

i am of the opinion that any time you are intimate with a man you are saying loud and clear that you are fine with the possibility of becoming a parent. but young women today are bombarded with television commercials about every type of birth control there is and even a "morning after" pill. it is not necessary to interrupt your life with a baby. enjoy sex without the responsibility.

women now are often looked down upon if they choose to become mothers in their early twenties. my grandmother had 3 children by the time she was in her early twenties. true, it was a different time, but motherhood was looked upon as a goal - an ambition. it was something to be acquired, not put off. in today's world to choose contraception or even abortion is looked upon as having goals and ambitions.

young women today take motherhood for granted. it is something they will get to when they feel they have gotten all out of social and business life that they hope to attain. if a pregnancy happens before it was planned - no worries - they have the right to choose. and if they never get to have babies, oh well, it is not necessary to define who they are. i am not talking now about those women who the Lord has chosen to remain single or even those married women who have not been able to conceive. the Lord does choose different types of mothering roles for these women (being 'mothers' to children in their churches/neighborhoods, adopting, etc). but here is the key, there are mothering roles for all women!

God has created our bodies to do something truly amazing. we can, by God's hand, grow a life inside of us. we birth that life into the world. we then are charged with their care as they grow. how amazing! i think of the way our Savior chose to come into this world. BORN as a BABY to a human mother!!! wow. of all the ways the King of Kings could've come to this world and he chose BIRTH. now, i realize there are prophecies that were being fulfilled, but He knew what He was doing.

i don't know if it is because i am now a mother myself, but i have come to realize that being a mom is a calling! it is a gift! i believe it is why we as women were created. again, many women are not able to bare their own children or will remain single but the Lord has a role for them as well that is no less as important and will influence little lives just the same.

i just see many young women running from this amazing calling thinking it will get in the way of their ambitions. why is motherhood not just as noble an ambition? why do so many want only worldly selfish pleasures?

i believe God tells women exactly what our earthly role should look like in Proverbs 31. the proverbs 31 woman is industrious, business minded, and a MOTHER.

many women are so quick to proclaim their "rights." i came across this quote and really couldn't have said it better myself, "of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother." what greater influence can we have than the influence we have on our children for Christ? let us embrace this amazing calling God has given us. let us not run from blessings in the form of children.

new mum mum winner

since the first winner never claimed their box of baby mum mums i used to choose a new winner...


carissa, just email me your address at and i will get the mum mums to you.

working on the first post of a series i plan to do on a woman's role/"rights." should be up some time tonight...

Monday, September 7, 2009


i need to get a new post up here. i have been working on a couple of ideas but they are not yet post worthy. i will definitely have something new up this week!

also, you will remember my giveaway. well, karie won that giveaway but has, as of right now, not claimed her prize. so, karie, you have until wednesday sept. 9 at 5 pm est time to email me and claim your box of baby mum mums or i will choose a new winner.

glad to have a couple of new readers out there. stay tuned for a post on women's rights!

Saturday, September 5, 2009

pray without ceasing...unless everything is ok

for the past day and half i have had some sort of stomach bug. i will be honest, i am a weenie when my tummy is sick. so i have spent much much time in prayer asking the Lord to take the yuckiness away. anytime i was just feeling really bad or i thought about the sickness i would pray for God's healing.

today i feel great! completely back to normal. and i have prayed a total of...well... zero times. yep, i couldn't stop talking to God when i needed Him to do something for me, but now that those prayers have been answered i'll talk to Him when i get a chance. i am ashamed of myself. if i was treated that way by honey bear or any other person that claims to be a friend or even family i would be none to pleased. but it is the exact way i treat my heavenly Father. glad He's there when i need Him but too busy to even say good morning when all is well.

the key here is that i ALWAYS need Him. there is not a moment in my life, good or bad, when i do not need the Lord. anything good is from Him and by Him so how do i so easily leave Him out during those joyous times?

what a patient Father. though He doesn't hear from me for a couple of days He is right there ready to answer when i call out to Him for help. i deserve absolutely none of His mercy and grace yet He so freely offers it - even when i don't ask. i long for the closeness to the Father that daily prayer brings. it is but myself that keeps me from that sweet relationship and those tender moments. may i start treating my best Friend as such - may i start giving the Creator of the universe and Lover of my soul the respect He so greatly deserves.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

goodbye summer wordless wednesday

and the winner is...


this was my first giveaway and i have to say i had great fun doing it. i must do it again. entries were low but i am so pleased to have had any at all!!! i chose a winner using so, really i didn't do the choosing - they did.

so, karie, just send me your address at this email address and i will get a box of baby mum mums to you!

bug enjoying a mum mum

thank you all for participating. looking forward to the next giveaway.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

you can never have too much butter...

but you can have too much of some other stuff - like a poor attitude. i must admit that i am ashamed of a lot of my behavior today. i would like to blame it on ADD or the devil, but alas it is simply my human nature - my sinful human nature that i allowed to take over by not calling on Jesus today.

nothing really horrible even went on today but i was very quick tempered. and we all know who that temper was thrown at, right? yes, my ever sweet, mild mannered, never raises his voice honey bear. he made plans that i probably wouldn't have made - i am short with him. he doesn't come to the table for dinner when i call - i raise my voice with sarcasm. poor guy couldn't get a break today. and what does he do in retaliation? get this, he asks his mom to watch buggie for us so he can take me to see julie & julia because he knows i have been aching to see it and that i haven't been out of the house for 2 days. the nerve of that guy, right?! he never throws an insult my way. his voice is never raised among a normal conversational decibel.

you know how marriage is supposed to be a picture of Christ and the church? marriage is a little taste of how Jesus loves us? well, honey bear has shown me a sliver of that love for sure. when i see the way he responds to my sinfulness i am reminded of how the Savior responds to me. of course, the realization isn't immediate. i see it later after i have calmed down and seen the error of my ways. i guess i just love seeing Jesus in our lives. i do wish that i didn't have to be an ogre to see Him! but He is always reminding me of His great love and forgiveness.

yes, i apologized and asked for honey bear's forgiveness. he always tells me he has already forgiven me but is glad that i have asked. we hug and then spend some sweet time together in each others arms. i'm pretty sure it is a lot the same with the Savior.

i am most positive that my lack of communication with God today threw a big wrench into my attitude. that alone time with just me and Him is so important, yet i so often neglect it. the enemy is sure to achieve much when i have no armor to fight against him. i am looking forward to some time with the Lord and to a better, sweeter tomorrow.

Dates Diapers & Deity