Friday, August 31, 2012

the innocent inappropriate question

it seems like a natural, perfectly legitimate question to ask. i have been asked this question. i suppose i never really knew exactly how to answer it  - probably because the answer was really not the business of the asker. what is the often asked, super inappropriate question? it comes in various forms:

when are you going to start trying for a baby?
are you planning to start a family soon?
isn't it about time to have a baby? 

something happens in the minds of others the moment you say "i do." those two words trigger this when-you-gonna-get-to-baby-makin'-question train. but if you think the asking starts right after the wedding day, wait until you've been married 5 years and still haven't had a baby - you'll need to hire an assistant to field all of the baby questions. and the people asking aren't always the most obvious. you may expect it from mother-in-law or grandma - but the lady that sits a cubicle over from you, your dental hygienist, your 5th cousin twice removed you're meeting for the second time at a family reunion?

isn't the question of our reproductive plans highly personal? isn't it a discussion and decision to be had and made between the potential mommy and daddy? are you really prepared for the answer that may follow your seemingly innocent question?

what if the woman you're trying to make small talk with by asking when she plans to bring forth fruit has suffered numerous miscarriages, or has been trying for several months or even years to have a baby with no success, or has been diagnosed with a medical condition that may make it very difficult or maybe impossible to conceive, or the couple has been on an adoption waiting list for what seems like an eternity with a fallen through adoption and no leads in sight? and what if the couple has no desire for children at all? are you prepared to hear that answer?

what if your inquiry into a couple's baby plans adds more stress and sadness to an already stressful, sad situation? small talk should be reserved to weather, current events, and the cuteness of the other's shoes, not reproductive plans.

i realize people mean well when they ask a woman about her plans to become a mommy. it is such a joyous, exciting, and special decision. the happiness extends far beyond the pregnant couple and their immediate family - most people are tickled to hear of a new little one. however, this is a subject i don't even broach with the dearest of friends (ok, i may have asked one of them, but i did preface it with "i realize this is none of my business.") because i know how sensitive the decision and process of having a baby are.

wouldn't it just be best for us to patiently wait for our friends (or acquaintances) to come to us with the exciting news that they've decided to have a baby or are, in fact, expecting? we won't have to feel like we're prying or chance being faced with an answer we aren't prepared to hear. we will simply be able to celebrate the exciting news...and no one will feel uncomfortable!

apply this to existing mothers when you consider asking if she's "done" or if she'll "keep trying until she gets a boy/girl." just as the decision to start a family is highly personal between husband and wife, the decision to not have any more children is equally as personal with just as many emotions playing into it.

so the next time you're chit chatting with your childless hairdresser or your dearest friend since kindergarten who as of yet has not popped out a youngun, don't go below the belt - it's personal, sensitive, and really none of your business down there.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

whatsoever things are...

it has kind of been an unspoken rule since anthony and i started dating that he would not mention when he thinks another woman is attractive - famous or otherwise. i don't know why it has been that way; i guess i may be a bit sensitive to such things. to be honest, i really just think he shouldn't be looking at other women to rate their attractiveness. i mean, hello!

at the same time, however, i don't give two thoughts to saying when i think another man isn't bad to look at. ant even jokes around about it occasionally referring to a certain actor as "your boy." i suppose this just displays the differences in men and women. and while i don't think it is a sin to say, "s/he is attractive," there is a point when it can become sinful - comparing your spouse to another person and/or fantasizing (sexually or not) about someone other than your spouse is sinful.

recently i've heard a few women (women who proclaim Christ as Savior) say they are looking forward to june 29th. channing tatum has a new movie coming out that day. maybe you've heard of it - magic mike. channing tatum is a handsome man. there is nothing wrong with saying that. this new movie, though, goes a bit beyond merely saying he's attractive. magic mike is a movie about male strippers. now, i don't know about you ladies but if my husband told me he was looking forward to seeing a movie about strippers i'd be a tad ticked. there is no need for my husband to see any other woman besides me naked or partially naked. the same is true for us. we have no business looking at any man other than our husbands in various states of undress.

you say, "my husband doesn't mind if i see the movie." well, he should, but even if he doesn't God does.

"But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:28

that verse works both ways, girls, and it applies to the married and unmarried alike. while it is possible to notice a man's good looks without lusting after him, my guess is that when you watch channing tatum disrobing you won't be thinking, "he is such a handsome man. i bet he is sweet and kind and a great listener. i bet he loves Jesus." 

this flesh is sinful. this flesh wants to see muscle-y men taking their clothes off. this flesh and this world tell us that it is no big deal to go watch a movie about strippers - it's not hurting anyone; i'm not actually having an affair with another man. every single day is a fight against what pleases this flesh and what pleases God. if we feed the flesh we will get nothing but disappointment and heartache in return.

"For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life." Galatians 6:8

if we nurture our relationships with God, it will be oh so much easier to fight the flesh. of course, we will never reach sinlessness on this earth. but it should be our goal. we should strive to live a life pleasing to the One who saved our souls. we will fail, but we should keep trying. we know that there are things in this world that are not pleasing to God. we know that there are things we can do that may seem harmless but that will not be an accurate reflection of the Savior who lives in our hearts. 

what we do for entertainment affects not only our own relationships with God but the relationships others have/will have with God. it may not seem like watching a movie will really affect the salvation of someone else, but we are walking mirrors of the Savior. if we do something contrary to His character, it does affect how unbelievers view Him. when making decisions about books to read, music to listen to, or movies to watch the Lord has given us a great checklist to put everything through:

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Philippians 4:8

does magic mike make the cut after putting it through that checklist? i see decisions for entertainment i've made that do not pass the above test. i'm thankful for a Heavenly Father who doesn't leave us in our sin but points it out and helps us to not repeat it.

i hope that when you are deciding to see any movie or read any book or listen to any music you will think about a couple of things: 1) is it honoring to my husband if i do this 2) will unbelievers see an accurate reflection of Jesus if i do this and most importantly 3) is it honoring to my God if i do this?

Friday, January 7, 2011 Him continually

it's that time of year when people are setting goals for their weight, their professional lives, their organization or lack thereof...i have never been one to make new year resolutions. i think it just sets me up for disappointment when i don't follow through. this year though i did decide some things for myself.

first i intend to read the Bible through this year. i didn't just want this to be reading for the sake of reading - just reading so i can check the day off. i have tried using a one year Bible before and it doesn't last past 2 days for me. i just don't like the setup - portion from the old testament, portion from the new testament, a few verses from psalms, and a few verses from proverbs. nothing flows. the passages are often cut of in the middle of sentences. the portions in no way "go together." it was reading for the sake of reading. i just came across a Bible in a year breakdown that begins in genesis and goes straight through the Bible to revelation. i am loving it! i use the daily readings as part of my devotional time. i'm excited about reading the Bible straight through. i totally should've done it by now. would i only read a portion of a love letter my husband writes me?! i would read that sucker from beginning to end probably more than once. so why have i not cared enough to read the ultimate love letter from beginning to end???

this next thing is not really a goal but just a change i'm making. since i was a kid i have enjoyed music. honestly, i don't really know of a person that would say they don't like music. i listen to music a lot - in the car, while i'm cleaning, while i'm reading, while i shower and get ready, during playtime with my girls - music is a big part of our lives around here.

i have no personal convictions against music that is not Christian. some will argue it isn't about conviction but there is a black and white rule for what music to listen to. i don't agree - while i believe we should not listen to lyrics that are sexually charged and include profanity or other negative elements there are some good songs out there that aren't sacred. but lately i have realized that i am filling my mind and thoughts with a lot of music about things that don't matter. if i'm spending a large portion of my day listening to music wouldn't i want that music to point me to my Savior?

psalm 105:4 says, "Seek the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually!"

there are lots of things that can change and things i can do to be continually seeking His presence. listening to music that praises Him, that reinforces His Word and that points my heart heavenward is a good place to start. and not only for myself. it is my utmost hope and desire that my children will accept the gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ; that my children will recognize that all good things are from the Lord; that my children will know Who has made them and sustains them and cares for them faithfully. i want my girls' minds to be filled with Scripture and the truths of the Word. i want them to sing praises to the Maker of the universe and Savior of their souls. listening to music that is about love and music that is just fun is not going to point their little hearts to God. i want them to know that the only reason we are on this earth is to glorify the Father in Heaven. we will read the Bible together and now we will listen to music that does the same.

will i never listen to a song that isn't Christian again? i'm not saying that. if i happen to hear a song on the radio or in a store that i like i won't pretend to not hear it. i don't think these songs are necessarily "wrong." but if i am intentionally listening to music - in my car or home - it will be music that is about our faith. my life is His - i want my song to be His, too!

have you made any goals for this new year?

Friday, September 24, 2010

looks like we made it!

36 weeks.

i am 36 weeks pregnant today.

i have never been 36 weeks pregnant before.

i am just thrilled that we have made it beyond 35 weeks. though i wonder everyday if this is the day we will meet our new sweet girl. the doctor told me in the beginning that because i had my first baby at 35 weeks this baby will probably hang out awhile and every week past 35 will feel like eternity. he was pretty much right.

buggie was born the day before our baby shower. today is the day before baby #2's shower. i'm really hoping to make it to a baby shower pregnant! i told my sweet boy that even if i go into labor tomorrow morning we will be going to the shower first. i'm not missing this one!

as i look back over the past 9 months 2 things are really apparent to me. 1) finding out you're pregnant at 4 weeks makes it feel like you've been pregnant your entire life, and 2) our God is so good to me. He has sustained this precious life inside of me for the past 9 months. He has kept me healthy and able to carry a baby for the second time. He has remained ever faithful to His promises to me. i am beyond taken care of by Him. there is no way to look back at the past 9 months and not see the hand of God in every part of my life. and the real kicker is that at the times when i doubted Him most and worried the most and talked to Him the least those are the times when He was mightily at work. i pray that the Lord will help me impart the truths of His goodness, grace, and faithfulness to my sweet children. my only prayer for their little lives is that they grow up to serve and love the God of all creation.


Monday, September 20, 2010

so this is nesting

i didn't go through a nesting phase with my first pregnancy. i never actually felt like i made it to a point where i was done being pregnant. buggie came 5 weeks early so i'm guessing that had a lot to do with it.

yesterday i was simply exhausted. i was so tired i was having trouble just standing. i took a 2 hour nap after church and then i went to bed 2 hours earlier than usual last night and slept until 9 this morning. i was pooped! but today has been the complete opposite. i have been going nonstop since i got up.

if i see a pile i must put it away. if i see a counter i must wipe it down - even if i wiped it down 3 times already. laundry must be washed, folded, and put away now. i like a tidy house but i usually prefer that someone else do it. =) today this was not the case. and i haven't felt sleepy. so i started thinking this may be nesting...

that scares me! now i feel like i'm a ticking time bomb and a baby is going to shoot out of me at any minute. oh, if only it were that easy! i've been trying to do some reading about nesting and how soon after labor usually starts. no one really knows is what i've learned. some women give birth weeks after nesting sets in and some women give birth the next day. i'm holding out that i'll be a weeks later woman. we shall see. you might wanna check back tomorrow to see if we have a new little one around here.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

is it bedtime yet?

i am so sleepy! i guess it is the body's way of preparing me for middle of the night feedings coming in a few weeks. nighttime sleep is so uncomfortable and often interrupted by potty breaks and daytime sleeping sounds divine but a 20 month old isn't a real fan of an all day nap.

even so, i am really getting excited to meet this little girl. right now i can only picture my sweet buggie girl and what she looks like and what her personality is like. it is hard to imagine another little girl that calls me mama and is completely different. sometimes i get a little sad thinking that my girl will no longer be my only girl. she is my joy and my heart. i wonder if i will be able to have the same affection for another little one. i realize it must be possible because i've seen other moms do it.

i am 35 weeks along. 35 weeks is when buggie decided to make her grand debut. if this little girl comes at the same time i will be mama to two girls on wednesday! i am hoping i can cook this baby a bit longer.

i am going to utilize this quiet time while my girl sleeps to catch a few zzz's myself. honey bear is watching football so it will be a perfect time for me to watch the back of my eyelids!

Friday, September 17, 2010

where does the time go?

my goodness! it has been MONTHS since i've posted here. my last post announced my second pregnancy. i am now 5 weeks away from delivering this little girl! i regret not keeping up with the week to week of this pregnancy like i did with my first. i have been much more relaxed and calm this time around. i have really enjoyed growing this little girl.

31 weeks

overall the pregnancy has been pretty uneventful. she was breech there for a few weeks but has since turned and i am one happy mama about that! i was dreading the impending c-section that accompanies a breech baby. this pregnancy i have decided to use a doula during labor and delivery. my sister in law was a fantastic coach the first time i did this but i can't figure out how to get the baby to come at a time that works around sil's work schedule. i have found a wonderful lady that will be there during my labor and delivery and i really think she will be a good calming support system for all of my crazy! i'm not so great in the hospital setting...

well, from today on i am going to do my best to update daily as we await girl #2's arrival. i am looking forward to getting back into the swing of posting regularly.

Dates Diapers & Deity