Thursday, February 11, 2010


our heater has been blowing cold air and running nonstop. as i listen to it run all i can hear is cha-ching. i know how much it is costing for that thing to run and run and run. it isn't worth the money to have it running and to still be freezing. so i turned it off. now i'm really cold but no colder than when it was on. bug is asleep and has possession of the space heater in her room. when she wakes up i am so camping out in front of it!

my face is breaking out like it is 15 years old. while i do wish i was a little closer to 15 than i am i do not wish to have the same skin! actually, i don't think i had this much trouble with my skin when i was 15. i am one big walking zit! it is oh so attractive. my sweet husband says he hasn't even noticed. he has learned well. ha!

my home is a mess. in fact, i should be tackling the living room and kitchen right this moment while my girl rests. i feel like my value as a stay at home mom rests in how sparkly my home is and how delicious my made from scratch dinners are (um, scratch, yeah right). but i spend most of my time at home on the floor playing with blocks, reading books, and snuggling baby dolls and a 13 month old sweetie girl. during that play time i don't feel bad about the unvacuumed floors or the less than shiny kitchen counter. i have worked it out with honey bear for him to take bug out on saturday so i can have full reign of every room without being followed by a curious little one. i have to say i am looking forward to the concentrated cleaning i will be able to accomplish!

bug had an appointment with a neurosurgeon at duke yesterday. we were meeting with him to figure out how to follow up on the discovery of her cyst. the cyst is in the very center of the brain. the doctor feels she has most likely had it since birth and that her head size has nothing to do with it. bug will have another mri in may to see if there has been any growth. if not she will have another mri 6 months from then. if there is still no growth we will not have to do anything else. we will simply know it is there in case any symptoms ever happen to develop. if there is growth we may have to discuss surgery. the neurosurgeon is quite confident this will not be something we have to worry about. it was really nice to be able to talk to someone who has seen this before and has operated on it before. i do feel better.

as for today, i am simply resting in the knowledge that i am a daughter of the King, that i am redeemed, that i am loved despite the great mistakes i have made and the many flaws i carry. and i will probably, no, i will, get some work done around here!

Monday, February 8, 2010


nothing witty or earth shaking to report. bug and i had a good day playing and eating and napping and playing and eating. my sweet husband suggested we go out to celebrate valentine's day tonight. we knew we weren't doing it on sunday because with church there just isn't time so today seemed like a good idea. we asked his sister and her husband to keep bug while we went to dinner and they were happy to. bug loves her aunt and uncle! they spent the night listening to yo gabba gabba and wonder pets songs and dancing and laughing and pretending to sleep. we are really fortunate to have those two so close to us!

honey bear and i went out for sushi. mmmm! we don't get to have it that often because it is a little pricey, but it was valentine's day (and we had a coupon!). we had such a nice time together just talking and remembering valentine's day 4 years ago when he asked me to be his wife. and not having to cut up someone else's food was nice, too!

after dinner went to get my girl. picking bug up is always fun. she is always so happy to see us. she smiles so big you can't help but kiss her face. she is the joy of my life. i don't know why God chose me to be her mommy but i'm so glad He did!

now i am just laying on the couch watching a dvr-ed daughtry concert while my sweet boy works on a project. i am going to head to bed to read a bit before going to sleep. i am really a lucky girl - if, of course, i believed in luck. and i don't. the Lord has given me far more than i deserve and i far too often take it all for granted. i have much to praise Him for - and even if i didn't have these earthly things to thank Him for i do have the promise of eternity with Him and that is a pretty good reason to offer praise!

until tomorrow...

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

toilet cleaner and narcissism

bug and i had been out for the afternoon and we were supposed to meet honey bear and his parents for dinner before heading to church this evening. i had left something at home so bug and i headed back to pick it up. while home i stopped in the bathroom to touch up my makeup and bug played happily on the floor with my keys. the next thing i know i hear my keys plop into the toilet.

i had to stick my hand in the toilet to grab them out as quickly as i could - i have one of those keyless entry fobs and i thought it was without a doubt ruined now. i snatched the keys up and turned around to begin drying them off with the towel on the back of the door.

have you seen the scrubbing bubbles toilet gel thingy? you can put a little disc of toilet cleaning gel inside the toilet bowl and it cleans with each flush? well, i use that. i turn around from drying off my keys to see my darling daughter has scooped up some of the gel and is eating it!!! i grabbed toilet paper and wiped it off of her fingers then i grabbed more toilet paper and stuffed it in her mouth trying to wipe it out. i swooped her up, ran to the fridge where i have a magnet with the number for poison control on it (a magnet i had considered getting rid of because when would i ever really need it?), and ran out to the car to call them (reception inside is h.o.r.r.i.b.l.e). i was sure they would tell me i needed to induce vomiting and run her to the ER. instead the very annoyingly calm operator asks me for the name brand of the cleaner and then takes her time looking it up. she tells me, "oh, she'll be fine. did you wipe her mouth out? does she seem uncomfortable? you've done all you can. there shouldn't be any problems." um, okay, then.

i am trying to figure out what you have to ingest to cause some alarm at poison control, and i am wondering if my toilet cleaner is really accomplishing anything good in my toilet if it is safe for consumption by my 13 month old.

on another note, i am tweeting now. you can catch my tweets on the right sidebar here or you can follow me! i have come to realize that i must be pretty full of myself. like anyone really cares that i am on my way to target! oh, well, i can't help myself, i just love it. honey bear gave me a blackberry as an early valentine gift and i am definitely getting his money's worth out of it. =)

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

This world has nothing for me

isn't it so easy to get your priorities all out of order? remember these verses:

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal,but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. matthew 6:19-21

this passage is like a punch right in the stomach to me sometimes. that last part about my heart being where my treasure is - um, i would rather my heart not reside in target. know what i mean? i like to try to rationalize my want of material possessions.

growing up my family didn't have a bunch of money. now, i don't think i ever realized this - i always had clothes and food and i don't remember feeling deprived of anything. but i know that we didn't go on family vacations and money was often sparse. so when i graduated from college and started working as a teacher i thought i was a millionaire (which is funny since teachers are grossly underpaid!). i realized that i could go out to dinner with friends if i wanted to and i didn't need to double check my bank account first. i could buy the cute skirt i just happened upon at target and not have to wait for it to go on sale.

my first year of marriage was much the same. we were both working full time jobs and making a pretty comfortable living. now, though, as a stay at home mommy and a one income family some things are different. we still have more than we need. we still go out often and i still buy cute skirts at target (when there's a sale) but we aren't as comfortable as we would be if we were both working. the monetary sacrifice, however, is definitely worth being able to stay home with my daughter.

the only problem is that i start to think that our worth as a family lies in our bank account. i want people to see us and see how neat and well dressed the three of us are and think that we must be something. i want us to have the latest and greatest whatever because won't we be thought of better? doesn't that make you sick of me?! it makes me sick of myself!!! i am doing exactly what the Lord has told me not to do - i am laying up my treasures in the credit union. if i spent half the time in a day trying to minister grace to other human beings as i spend thinking about what i am going to wear to this event or what i can buy tomorrow or does mine look as good as hers i would be able to make quite an impact for the Kingdom.

when i get to Heaven and stand before God is He going to talk to me about all the fantastic pieces of clothing and jewelry i owned, how well dressed my children were, and how nicely decorated my home was? is He going to care that i had the next and best piece of technology and that i carried it around in an oh so cute pocketbook? i'm going out on a limb here but i'm guessing He doesn't give a flip. He actually says that all of my "stuff" doesn't mean anything about the person i am and that i need to be careful to not try to "keep up with the Joneses:"

And he said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” Luke 12:15

i am afraid that for women this is often a big stumbling block. we compare ourselves to each other far too much. we want to measure up in our appearance, in our children's appearance, in our home's appearance. it is so easy to get caught up in materialism and covetousness. i am more than ashamed that my heart is wrapped in it. my prayer is that the Lord will remind me that i am on this earth for a reason and that reason isn't shopping or having what "she" has. i am here to glorify my Father in Heaven and to share the good news of His Son to all those i meet. may i use my finances to further the Kingdom by caring for the widows and orphans of the world and not trying to further my status by padding my expendable income. may i be looked at by others and seen as an example of Jesus Christ and not simply as a well dressed, fancy phone using, nice car driving, big house owning woman. i would like to be able to say that if i had not one penny to my name and only sackcloth to wear and a mat to sleep on that i would be just as content in my God. there is a bigger picture here and how nice my dress is or how my house is furnished in the picture doesn't really matter so much.

caedmon's call sings a song called this world. there is a line in the song that sums this all up perfectly: This world has nothing for me and this world has everything/All that I could want and nothing that I need.

may our treasures be in Heaven...

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