AGHHHHHUGHHHH!!!!!

that is how i am feeling tonight - like i want to just yell at someone.

bug had her CAT scan today. it went really well. sedation wasn't necessary and we were done in about 10 minutes start to finish. i was so proud of my girl. tonight at about 6:15 our pediatrician called with the results. she let us know that the problem they had been concerned about (a blockage) was not there! we praise the Lord for this answer to our prayers. she did have some other information for us. the radiologist noticed a small spot at the base of bug's head. they have ordered an MRI. best case scenario here is the spot is absolutely nothing - just a blip in the film. the not so bad scenario is that the spot is a pretty common cyst that we may have to do nothing about. the worst case is cancer.

when i heard that word i immediately broke down. of course i think we are destined to be told this is the worst case scenario. i just keep asking God why this is all happening if it is only going to come back as a clean scan. is He trying to teach us the necessity of trusting only Him? why can't he do that by taking away our financial means or by having our car breakdown? why does He have to mess with my sweet girl? and then i remember He is God and He can do whatever He wants. and that His ways are not my ways - His ways are always for good. i have to believe that now. i know it in my head but my heart isn't so sure.

so we will schedule the MRI tomorrow. please pray with us that this spot seen on the CAT scan is just a blur in the film. my Savior sustained this baby girl in my womb and has sustained her for this first year of her life. He knows what's best for her.

i am going to get back to work. i am working on decorations for bug's birthday party. the party is saturday afternoon. we WILL have a good time celebrating this sweet little girl and her first year of many with us!