looks like we made it!

36 weeks.

i am 36 weeks pregnant today.

i have never been 36 weeks pregnant before.

i am just thrilled that we have made it beyond 35 weeks. though i wonder everyday if this is the day we will meet our new sweet girl. the doctor told me in the beginning that because i had my first baby at 35 weeks this baby will probably hang out awhile and every week past 35 will feel like eternity. he was pretty much right.

buggie was born the day before our baby shower. today is the day before baby #2's shower. i'm really hoping to make it to a baby shower pregnant! i told my sweet boy that even if i go into labor tomorrow morning we will be going to the shower first. i'm not missing this one!

as i look back over the past 9 months 2 things are really apparent to me. 1) finding out you're pregnant at 4 weeks makes it feel like you've been pregnant your entire life, and 2) our God is so good to me. He has sustained this precious life inside of me for the past 9 months. He has kept me healthy and able to carry a baby for the second time. He has remained ever faithful to His promises to me. i am beyond taken care of by Him. there is no way to look back at the past 9 months and not see the hand of God in every part of my life. and the real kicker is that at the times when i doubted Him most and worried the most and talked to Him the least those are the times when He was mightily at work. i pray that the Lord will help me impart the truths of His goodness, grace, and faithfulness to my sweet children. my only prayer for their little lives is that they grow up to serve and love the God of all creation.

GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS!

so this is nesting

i didn't go through a nesting phase with my first pregnancy. i never actually felt like i made it to a point where i was done being pregnant. buggie came 5 weeks early so i'm guessing that had a lot to do with it.

yesterday i was simply exhausted. i was so tired i was having trouble just standing. i took a 2 hour nap after church and then i went to bed 2 hours earlier than usual last night and slept until 9 this morning. i was pooped! but today has been the complete opposite. i have been going nonstop since i got up.

if i see a pile i must put it away. if i see a counter i must wipe it down - even if i wiped it down 3 times already. laundry must be washed, folded, and put away now. i like a tidy house but i usually prefer that someone else do it. =) today this was not the case. and i haven't felt sleepy. so i started thinking this may be nesting...

that scares me! now i feel like i'm a ticking time bomb and a baby is going to shoot out of me at any minute. oh, if only it were that easy! i've been trying to do some reading about nesting and how soon after labor usually starts. no one really knows is what i've learned. some women give birth weeks after nesting sets in and some women give birth the next day. i'm holding out that i'll be a weeks later woman. we shall see. you might wanna check back tomorrow to see if we have a new little one around here.

is it bedtime yet?

i am so sleepy! i guess it is the body's way of preparing me for middle of the night feedings coming in a few weeks. nighttime sleep is so uncomfortable and often interrupted by potty breaks and daytime sleeping sounds divine but a 20 month old isn't a real fan of an all day nap.

even so, i am really getting excited to meet this little girl. right now i can only picture my sweet buggie girl and what she looks like and what her personality is like. it is hard to imagine another little girl that calls me mama and is completely different. sometimes i get a little sad thinking that my girl will no longer be my only girl. she is my joy and my heart. i wonder if i will be able to have the same affection for another little one. i realize it must be possible because i've seen other moms do it.

i am 35 weeks along. 35 weeks is when buggie decided to make her grand debut. if this little girl comes at the same time i will be mama to two girls on wednesday! i am hoping i can cook this baby a bit longer.

i am going to utilize this quiet time while my girl sleeps to catch a few zzz's myself. honey bear is watching football so it will be a perfect time for me to watch the back of my eyelids!

where does the time go?

my goodness! it has been MONTHS since i've posted here. my last post announced my second pregnancy. i am now 5 weeks away from delivering this little girl! i regret not keeping up with the week to week of this pregnancy like i did with my first. i have been much more relaxed and calm this time around. i have really enjoyed growing this little girl.

31 weeks

overall the pregnancy has been pretty uneventful. she was breech there for a few weeks but has since turned and i am one happy mama about that! i was dreading the impending c-section that accompanies a breech baby. this pregnancy i have decided to use a doula during labor and delivery. my sister in law was a fantastic coach the first time i did this but i can't figure out how to get the baby to come at a time that works around sil's work schedule. i have found a wonderful lady that will be there during my labor and delivery and i really think she will be a good calming support system for all of my crazy! i'm not so great in the hospital setting...

well, from today on i am going to do my best to update daily as we await girl #2's arrival. i am looking forward to getting back into the swing of posting regularly.

i had to buy this book

we are expecting! we definitely were not expecting another little one so soon but we are thrilled.

i used the belly book during my first pregnancy. it is divided by trimester and includes a page for each week and spots for ultrasound pictures and belly pictures. i like to look back at that first one and felt like i needed to do it for this pregnancy as well.

well, my husband is thrilled and i am more nervous. it isn't having a baby that makes me nervous but seeing the doctor. i am a horrible patient. my blood pressure does me no favors and when pregnant it would be nice for my bp to stay within normal ranges. i am trying to remind myself that at the end we will have a sweet new baby and my visits to the doctor will be much fewer.

so i am busy thinking about names and nurseries and trying to calm myself down for dr visits. i will try to update here often with all the happenings. we are excited and eagerly looking forward to october! your prayers are much appreciated!!!

mia

i am alive my dear readers - if there are in fact any readers still coming around here!

i guess i have been in a bit of a blogging slump. and i have been oh so sleepy lately. by the time i have a spare minute to write i would rather close my eyes - and that is what i do. i am looking forward to getting back into the swing of things around here. just so you know, though, if you look to the right you will see a blue and red box of my twitter updates. you can always keep up with me that way if you so desire.

tonight i just wanted to check in and let you all know i have not forgotten you. and if you get a chance maybe you can stop by sweet layla grace's blog. she is a little 2 year old girl battling stage 4 cancer. it looks like she has only days to live but that girl is tough and she has been holding on! we know the One that can do miracles. let's pray for a miracle for layla grace!

resting

our heater has been blowing cold air and running nonstop. as i listen to it run all i can hear is cha-ching. i know how much it is costing for that thing to run and run and run. it isn't worth the money to have it running and to still be freezing. so i turned it off. now i'm really cold but no colder than when it was on. bug is asleep and has possession of the space heater in her room. when she wakes up i am so camping out in front of it!

my face is breaking out like it is 15 years old. while i do wish i was a little closer to 15 than i am i do not wish to have the same skin! actually, i don't think i had this much trouble with my skin when i was 15. i am one big walking zit! it is oh so attractive. my sweet husband says he hasn't even noticed. he has learned well. ha!

my home is a mess. in fact, i should be tackling the living room and kitchen right this moment while my girl rests. i feel like my value as a stay at home mom rests in how sparkly my home is and how delicious my made from scratch dinners are (um, scratch, yeah right). but i spend most of my time at home on the floor playing with blocks, reading books, and snuggling baby dolls and a 13 month old sweetie girl. during that play time i don't feel bad about the unvacuumed floors or the less than shiny kitchen counter. i have worked it out with honey bear for him to take bug out on saturday so i can have full reign of every room without being followed by a curious little one. i have to say i am looking forward to the concentrated cleaning i will be able to accomplish!

bug had an appointment with a neurosurgeon at duke yesterday. we were meeting with him to figure out how to follow up on the discovery of her cyst. the cyst is in the very center of the brain. the doctor feels she has most likely had it since birth and that her head size has nothing to do with it. bug will have another mri in may to see if there has been any growth. if not she will have another mri 6 months from then. if there is still no growth we will not have to do anything else. we will simply know it is there in case any symptoms ever happen to develop. if there is growth we may have to discuss surgery. the neurosurgeon is quite confident this will not be something we have to worry about. it was really nice to be able to talk to someone who has seen this before and has operated on it before. i do feel better.

as for today, i am simply resting in the knowledge that i am a daughter of the King, that i am redeemed, that i am loved despite the great mistakes i have made and the many flaws i carry. and i will probably, no, i will, get some work done around here!

today

nothing witty or earth shaking to report. bug and i had a good day playing and eating and napping and playing and eating. my sweet husband suggested we go out to celebrate valentine's day tonight. we knew we weren't doing it on sunday because with church there just isn't time so today seemed like a good idea. we asked his sister and her husband to keep bug while we went to dinner and they were happy to. bug loves her aunt and uncle! they spent the night listening to yo gabba gabba and wonder pets songs and dancing and laughing and pretending to sleep. we are really fortunate to have those two so close to us!

honey bear and i went out for sushi. mmmm! we don't get to have it that often because it is a little pricey, but it was valentine's day (and we had a coupon!). we had such a nice time together just talking and remembering valentine's day 4 years ago when he asked me to be his wife. and not having to cut up someone else's food was nice, too!

after dinner went to get my girl. picking bug up is always fun. she is always so happy to see us. she smiles so big you can't help but kiss her face. she is the joy of my life. i don't know why God chose me to be her mommy but i'm so glad He did!

now i am just laying on the couch watching a dvr-ed daughtry concert while my sweet boy works on a project. i am going to head to bed to read a bit before going to sleep. i am really a lucky girl - if, of course, i believed in luck. and i don't. the Lord has given me far more than i deserve and i far too often take it all for granted. i have much to praise Him for - and even if i didn't have these earthly things to thank Him for i do have the promise of eternity with Him and that is a pretty good reason to offer praise!

until tomorrow...

toilet cleaner and narcissism

bug and i had been out for the afternoon and we were supposed to meet honey bear and his parents for dinner before heading to church this evening. i had left something at home so bug and i headed back to pick it up. while home i stopped in the bathroom to touch up my makeup and bug played happily on the floor with my keys. the next thing i know i hear my keys plop into the toilet.

i had to stick my hand in the toilet to grab them out as quickly as i could - i have one of those keyless entry fobs and i thought it was without a doubt ruined now. i snatched the keys up and turned around to begin drying them off with the towel on the back of the door.

have you seen the scrubbing bubbles toilet gel thingy? you can put a little disc of toilet cleaning gel inside the toilet bowl and it cleans with each flush? well, i use that. i turn around from drying off my keys to see my darling daughter has scooped up some of the gel and is eating it!!! i grabbed toilet paper and wiped it off of her fingers then i grabbed more toilet paper and stuffed it in her mouth trying to wipe it out. i swooped her up, ran to the fridge where i have a magnet with the number for poison control on it (a magnet i had considered getting rid of because when would i ever really need it?), and ran out to the car to call them (reception inside is h.o.r.r.i.b.l.e). i was sure they would tell me i needed to induce vomiting and run her to the ER. instead the very annoyingly calm operator asks me for the name brand of the cleaner and then takes her time looking it up. she tells me, "oh, she'll be fine. did you wipe her mouth out? does she seem uncomfortable? you've done all you can. there shouldn't be any problems." um, okay, then.

i am trying to figure out what you have to ingest to cause some alarm at poison control, and i am wondering if my toilet cleaner is really accomplishing anything good in my toilet if it is safe for consumption by my 13 month old.

on another note, i am tweeting now. you can catch my tweets on the right sidebar here or you can follow me! i have come to realize that i must be pretty full of myself. like anyone really cares that i am on my way to target! oh, well, i can't help myself, i just love it. honey bear gave me a blackberry as an early valentine gift and i am definitely getting his money's worth out of it. =)

This world has nothing for me

isn't it so easy to get your priorities all out of order? remember these verses:

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal,but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. matthew 6:19-21

this passage is like a punch right in the stomach to me sometimes. that last part about my heart being where my treasure is - um, i would rather my heart not reside in target. know what i mean? i like to try to rationalize my want of material possessions.

growing up my family didn't have a bunch of money. now, i don't think i ever realized this - i always had clothes and food and i don't remember feeling deprived of anything. but i know that we didn't go on family vacations and money was often sparse. so when i graduated from college and started working as a teacher i thought i was a millionaire (which is funny since teachers are grossly underpaid!). i realized that i could go out to dinner with friends if i wanted to and i didn't need to double check my bank account first. i could buy the cute skirt i just happened upon at target and not have to wait for it to go on sale.

my first year of marriage was much the same. we were both working full time jobs and making a pretty comfortable living. now, though, as a stay at home mommy and a one income family some things are different. we still have more than we need. we still go out often and i still buy cute skirts at target (when there's a sale) but we aren't as comfortable as we would be if we were both working. the monetary sacrifice, however, is definitely worth being able to stay home with my daughter.

the only problem is that i start to think that our worth as a family lies in our bank account. i want people to see us and see how neat and well dressed the three of us are and think that we must be something. i want us to have the latest and greatest whatever because won't we be thought of better? doesn't that make you sick of me?! it makes me sick of myself!!! i am doing exactly what the Lord has told me not to do - i am laying up my treasures in the credit union. if i spent half the time in a day trying to minister grace to other human beings as i spend thinking about what i am going to wear to this event or what i can buy tomorrow or does mine look as good as hers i would be able to make quite an impact for the Kingdom.

when i get to Heaven and stand before God is He going to talk to me about all the fantastic pieces of clothing and jewelry i owned, how well dressed my children were, and how nicely decorated my home was? is He going to care that i had the next and best piece of technology and that i carried it around in an oh so cute pocketbook? i'm going out on a limb here but i'm guessing He doesn't give a flip. He actually says that all of my "stuff" doesn't mean anything about the person i am and that i need to be careful to not try to "keep up with the Joneses:"

And he said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” Luke 12:15

i am afraid that for women this is often a big stumbling block. we compare ourselves to each other far too much. we want to measure up in our appearance, in our children's appearance, in our home's appearance. it is so easy to get caught up in materialism and covetousness. i am more than ashamed that my heart is wrapped in it. my prayer is that the Lord will remind me that i am on this earth for a reason and that reason isn't shopping or having what "she" has. i am here to glorify my Father in Heaven and to share the good news of His Son to all those i meet. may i use my finances to further the Kingdom by caring for the widows and orphans of the world and not trying to further my status by padding my expendable income. may i be looked at by others and seen as an example of Jesus Christ and not simply as a well dressed, fancy phone using, nice car driving, big house owning woman. i would like to be able to say that if i had not one penny to my name and only sackcloth to wear and a mat to sleep on that i would be just as content in my God. there is a bigger picture here and how nice my dress is or how my house is furnished in the picture doesn't really matter so much.

caedmon's call sings a song called this world. there is a line in the song that sums this all up perfectly: This world has nothing for me and this world has everything/All that I could want and nothing that I need.

may our treasures be in Heaven...

friday and chili's and friends and snow

oh, i just love friday. it means that my sweet husband gets to stay home with us tomorrow. and this saturday it really means we get to stay home together because it is S.N.O.W.I.N.G!!!

tonight i had dinner at one of my favorite places - chili's - with some of my favorite friends from church. we had such a nice time together girl talking and God talking. talking about God's grace and forgiveness and what it looks like to live out what we say we believe never gets old to me. i love talking to all kinds of people but there is nothing as sweet as the conversations had with other believers. heaven is gonna be pretty awesome!

so i guess that is it for tonight. i am going to go settle in with my honey bear to enjoy some quiet snow time together before bug gets up bright and early in the morning! hope you have a cozy weekend!

wordless wednesday - he loves me!

a day late is better than never!

it is 20 minutes to midnight...

and i am at a loss for blog fodder. the only thing on my mind at this moment is my great desire for a big glass of dr. pepper with lots of ice...mmmm....that would really hit the spot.

i tried to guilt honey bear into going out to get some. i am not pregnant so my cravings are not so readily fulfilled. i told him if he loved me he would go out for some dr. pepper. that was about an hour ago and he hasn't left his spot on the couch. i'm pretty sure this just proves he doesn't want to get dressed and go out this late at night and not that his love for me is waning. right? =)

oh, i suppose i will just go to bed. if i'm asleep it would be hard to drink a dr. pepper anyway.

mama said there'd be days like this

whew! i am glad this monday is coming to a close. my day started at 5 am this morning. i was awakened by a bloody murder screaming baby. i don't think i have ever moved that fast in my life. bug has been having some potty issues and 5 am seemed like a good time to go, i suppose. so i quieted and changed her and went back to bed. she woke again at 7:30 quite fussy. she was able to go back to sleep and the next thing i knew i looked at the clock and it was 9:15 - not too bad! though my head was hurting something terrible...

bug has been quite fussy today. she is teething. if there is a toothless spot in her mouth a tooth is trying to come through! and those molars - ugh! i understand her discomfort. but i am beat, and so is she. we just went through our normal bedtime routine - supper, bath, play, story, pray, rock, bed - and i am going to take a bubble bath (yes, my first act of personal hygiene today other than washing my hands). i am in the middle of nicholas sparks's dear john so i think i will take that to the tub with me. goodbye, monday!

there'd be days like this my mama said...i think she told me about this...

thumbs up thursday

i knew when bug turned 12 months old we would transition from formula (no, i didn't breastfeed...)to milk; i just didn't know how to transition. so at her 12 month well check we discussed milk with the pediatrician. the doctor told us to go ahead and stop the formula and give bug milk. ideally she should get 12-16 ounces of milk per day.

since we were getting rid of the formula i decided it was a good time to just go ahead and pack away the bottles, too. bug was using a sippy cup at least once a day anyway so i was hoping for a smooth switch - and it really was! i don't think she even notices that the bottles are gone. however, bug didn't drink nearly as much, not even the necessary 12 ounces, without much coaxing.

one evening while we were having dinner out we discovered that our girl likes to drink from a straw. and the light went on - sippy cups with straws! ever since switching from the regular sippy to the straw sippy we have had no problems at all getting bug to drink her milk. this mama is glad to have one less thing to stress over. =)

i know, straw sippies are not a new invention. but they are new to us! and we give them a big thumbs up!

wordless wednesday - my heart at 2 days old

and the results are in

the pediatrician called early this evening. bug's mri results were back. we are praising our Father that it was not a tumor. this had been my biggest fear and we are so thankful that cancer is not something we are facing.

the spot that was seen, though, is an arachnoid cyst. i am just learning about this myself so i will spare you my little knowledge. all i know for sure right now is that the doctor told us we can now breathe a sigh of relief. this cyst is not fatal. it can grow and cause some problems so it is necessary for us to meet with a neurosurgeon at duke. our pediatrician did already consult with the neurosurgeon and was told that right now with the present size of the cyst surgery does not appear necessary. after our appointment with the neurosurgeon i am hoping to have a clearer understanding of the cyst. so far in my googling this article from the children's hospital boston has been the clearest and most comforting.

God did answer so many of our prayers for our girl so i feel bad that i am not completely relieved. i would much prefer it to be nothing than to be the not so bad diagnosis. i find myself asking God why this is necessary. i want to understand. and yet i realize that i may never understand why God does some of the things He does. my trust and faith continues to be challenged. i hope to come out of this stronger in faith and closer to my God.

we do still covet your prayers on bug's behalf. please pray that the consult with the neurosurgeon will go well and will bring some clarity and pray that the cyst remains small in size and possibly even goes away all together. thank you for your prayers as we awaited the mri results - they were not in vain!

birthday preview

UPDATE:
here is a facebook link to look at the pictures from the party. you don't have to have a facebook account to see the pictures.

and check out some other DIY projects at kimba's blog!



bug's birthday party is saturday! i looked and looked for first birthday decorations that i liked but never found anything. so i decided to take matters into my own hands. here are a couple pictures of what is done so far. i will, of course, take plenty of pictures at the party and post them. this is just a little taste!

excuse the clutter!

i borrowed the tissue paper ball idea from kelly.

just a little reminder, bug will have an mri tomorrow morning at 10:30. please pray that we get a clear scan and that the side effects from the sedation will be few! thank you!

still and small

whew! what a difference a day makes. last night after hearing the need for an mri for buggie, i was devastated. how could this be happening? i was just so sure she had cancer. i cried out to God most of the night. i asked Him to make my faith real to me. give me the life and actions and not just the right words. i say that i trust Him until something comes along that doesn't feel or look so great and then that trust was just some pretty words i used when all was well with the world.

bug and i had a typical day. sure, i often found myself staring at her wondering if something horrible was growing inside of her, but for the most part it was a normal day. we went out today to order her birthday cake. we went to dinner and then to church. it was before dinner when bug and i were waiting in the car for honey bear that my God let me hear Him.

i turned on a cd that i listen to just about every time i'm in the car. i thought bug would enjoy the music since she has really taken up dancing lately. i turned on the cd and i usually skip right to song 3. for some reason today i stopped on song 2, said to bug, "oops, not this one. oh, well, we'll listen to it," and was reminded of the faithfulness of the God i serve. here are the lyrics i heard as i stopped on a song i normally pass over:

I trust in You
I remember times You led me
This time it's bigger now
And I'm afraid You'll let me down

But how can I be certain?
Will You prove Yourself again?

'Cause I'm about to let go
And live what I believe
I can't do a thing now
But trust that You'll catch me
When I let go
When I let go

What is this doubt in me
Convincing me to fear the unknown
When all along You've shown
Your plans are better than my own

And I know I won't make it
If I do this all alone
-barlow girl

um, yes, Lord, i hear You! what a feeling of absolute joy and comfort as i realized my God that i poured my heart out to the night before, my God that i questioned and doubted hadn't forgotten me or stopped listening. He waited until my mind and heart were calm and spoke clearly to me about His unending faithfulness.

sure, i still wonder what the mri results will show. i wonder what the next weeks hold for us and for my sweet girl. but i have absolutely no doubt Who is going before us into those days. i am sure my worry will still kick in occasionally, but i am trusting the Lord to take care of my daughter as only He can. and whatever the test results show Jesus is still King and God is always good!

fyi, bug's mri is scheduled for friday morning. please be in prayer for her.

AGHHHHHUGHHHH!!!!!

that is how i am feeling tonight - like i want to just yell at someone.

bug had her CAT scan today. it went really well. sedation wasn't necessary and we were done in about 10 minutes start to finish. i was so proud of my girl. tonight at about 6:15 our pediatrician called with the results. she let us know that the problem they had been concerned about (a blockage) was not there! we praise the Lord for this answer to our prayers. she did have some other information for us. the radiologist noticed a small spot at the base of bug's head. they have ordered an MRI. best case scenario here is the spot is absolutely nothing - just a blip in the film. the not so bad scenario is that the spot is a pretty common cyst that we may have to do nothing about. the worst case is cancer.

when i heard that word i immediately broke down. of course i think we are destined to be told this is the worst case scenario. i just keep asking God why this is all happening if it is only going to come back as a clean scan. is He trying to teach us the necessity of trusting only Him? why can't he do that by taking away our financial means or by having our car breakdown? why does He have to mess with my sweet girl? and then i remember He is God and He can do whatever He wants. and that His ways are not my ways - His ways are always for good. i have to believe that now. i know it in my head but my heart isn't so sure.

so we will schedule the MRI tomorrow. please pray with us that this spot seen on the CAT scan is just a blur in the film. my Savior sustained this baby girl in my womb and has sustained her for this first year of her life. He knows what's best for her.

i am going to get back to work. i am working on decorations for bug's birthday party. the party is saturday afternoon. we WILL have a good time celebrating this sweet little girl and her first year of many with us!

anxious

my little bug was born early at 35 weeks (little stinker!). however, she was very fortunate and the worst problem she had was some pretty pesky jaundice. now at a year old she is right on developmental track with full term babies the same age. the Lord has really blessed us and our sweet girl.

this past friday we went in for bug's 12 month well check. all was looking happy and healthy except her little...or, ahem...not so little head. this month her head measurements spiked since her last visit at 9 months. i haven't really been sharing with too many people - something about keeping to ourselves makes it feel like it isn't real - but bug will go in tomorrow morning for a CAT scan to check out her skull and to make sure there are no blockages causing a build up of fluid. if you know me you know i am a worry wort! so since friday my stomach has been in knots.

i have been talking to God every moment i get asking for a clean report, asking why He has allowed this if we are just going to get a clean report...and then i feel pretty self absorbed. there are parents out there facing some pretty serious stuff with their children. kate mcrae has been constantly on my mind. kate is a 6 year old little girl battling a brain tumor. her family needs all the prayer they can get, and here i am making myself sick over a test that will most likely prove my daughter is just fine.

i guess i just want to ask for your prayers on bug's behalf. she will most likely be sedated so we are hoping there are no side effects. and we are, of course, praying that the scan will prove my sweet girl's head is just fine.

here's hoping the poor girl has simply inherited her mama's big head (i had the same issue as a baby, though knowing this doesn't make my worry any less)! trying to trust in the One who writes all of our days - He has always proven Himself faithful and there is no reason for me to think He won't do so again. His plan is always best even if it doesn't feel good.

enough...or is it?

i was singing at the top of my lungs while i was driving this evening. this is nothing new - i
tend to do this whenever driving alone (and sometimes not alone). but tonight while i was singing the following words it was different:

All of You is more than enough for
All of me for every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You
Is more than enough

You are my supply
My breath of life
Still more awesome than I know
You are my reward
Worth living for
Still more awesome than I know

All of you is more than enough for all of me
for every thirst and every need
you satisfy me with your love
and all I have in you is more than enough

You're my sacrifice of greatest price
Still more awesome than I know
You're my coming King You're everything
Still more awesome than I know

All of you is more than enough for all of me
for every thirst and every need
you satisfy me with your love
and all I have in you is more than enough

in the midst of my little private car concert i heard, "really, danielle, am I enough? are you truly satisfied with only Me?" i am still floored whenever the Lord speaks directly to me. no, it wasn't an audible voice. it was that still small voice speaking a thought to me that i couldn't have possibly come up with myself. if i came up with it myself i would say that the Lord is for sure all i need and that i am totally content with nothing and no one other than Him. but He caught me in the midst of my personal ego boost where i was letting myself know how spiritually arrived i am and how together i have it and brought me back down to where my heart really is - often unsatisfied, relying on and trusting in earthly possessions and humans, always wanting more and not being fulfilled in all that i do possess.

it was impossible for me to continue singing. how could i go on singing these words when the One i was offering them to saw right through me? and was i really offering the song to Him or to myself to make myself feel all right about where i am in my Christian walk? i, unfortunately, believe the latter is the truth.

while i am embarrassed and ashamed of my conceited motives, i am so grateful for a Heavenly Father who will not leave me reveling in my worthless acts of goodness and pretty lyrics but who will show me where my heart really is and just as quickly forgive me. His faithfulness and love is still overwhelming to me. what an awesome God we serve!

this new year i hope to get to the place in my life and walk with Jesus where i can sing with all sincerity "all of You is more than enough for all of me."

time flies when you're having fun

a year ago today i learned that i have a lot more love in my heart than i knew existed and that i am a lot stronger physically than i ever imagined! a year ago today my heart was born and began living on the outside of my body. i became mommy to this sweet sweet girl a year ago today.


my little bug,

every day i thank the Lord for allowing me to be the one to take care of you. He could've chosen anyone to be your mommy but He chose me and i am so grateful. you bring such joy to each day - even those tough, crabby teething days i wouldn't trade for anything in the world. when you smile, even for a moment, all the hard days are more than worth it. tears and messes, dirty diapers and sleepless nights are small in comparison to how big my happiness is because of you!

it is so crazy how such a little girl who can't speak a word can teach me so much about myself and about our Savior. you have shown me just how important a daily, personal relationship with Jesus is. and while this special day was just for you i hope that you will know that nothing in this world is more important than knowing Jesus as your Savior. if i leave nothing behind on this earth than a daughter who loves and serves the Lord my life will have been well worth every minute.

this has been the absolute best, most overwhelming, extremely challenging, completely joyful, most fun, fantastically wonderful year of my life! you have made our family whole. and while your daddy and i pray that the Lord has brothers and sisters in His plan for us we know that our hearts are overflowing with love and completely full having you as our daughter.

thank you, my sweet buggie girl, for making me want to be a better person, a better wife, a better friend, a better example of Jesus. you have changed our lives and we would never want to go back to the way it was before you. while i miss my little baby girl i am so excited to see you grow and don't know if i can be more proud of you than i am right now. you are my joy.

i love you with my whole heart, my sweet bug.

your mommy